Freedom of the Innermost Self

When I tell people about my past they say things like “I can’t believe it , I can’t imagine you like that, that’s so different than you are now.” But I assure you, that is a most most sacred beloved part of me. That part, that for years was shackled in a constant ritual of self destruction and loathing.

I ran hard and fast and wild looking for God like it was the last drop of water on earth. Looking in all the wrong ways. Punishing myself, cycling through the same stories of deaths and rebirths too rapidly and unconscious, exhausted and not knowing myself. I was literally dying to know love.

Becoming willing to invite my pain in, in all of its horrifying and precious majesty, allllllll the wayyyyy into my innermost sanctum is what saved my life . This is how I know the face of God. Now the honor to be still beside those who venture into the terrain of their own deep inner transformation has been given to me. I AM HUMBLED. Deeply humbled.

The blessing of that wildfire in my heart that drove me nearly to death many times is it burned until I could not accept anything other than absolute freedom in my innermost self. Freedom from faulty programs and delusions about love, the nature of reality, and what my part in our collective purpose is. Freedom to become fiercely intimate with myself and freedom to become vulnerable and raw with others , and the Earth. Free to know Love.

I love that wild lost child of mine. Her pain sanctified in the light of consciousness. Her heart holding all of it. And I love that child in you.